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Monday, December 28, 2009

Why Being a Wemo Secretly Rocks!


Hello world! I hope you've all had a Merry Christmas- I have. I write to you from the keyboard of my new, sultry-blue laptop, which is one of the loveliest presents I've ever received. I'm also thrilled that the blog reached the 10,000 hits mark- thanks to everyone, that really made my day.
Anyway, I thought I'd write about one of my favourite cultural fads that I tried out in my younger years- that mystical enigma known as 'wemo':Ok, so I'm not technically a wemo, but I used to be. I had the fringe that covered 50% of my face, the badly died hair, the thick-rimmed glasses, the Converse with doodles all over them, the Nightmare Before Christmas- related accessories from Claire's, and the compulsion to include the word 'wickidsafe' in every sentence. And, to be perfectly honest, it was freakin' awesome.
The best thing about being a wemo is the music. You don't believe me? Well, prepare to be convinced. Here's my list of why it's awesome to be a wemo.


Note: I am using the following definition of 'wemo': music that has alot akin with the more popular 'emo' (which, as i gather, tends to be largely about loud guitars and being upset about things). Wemo, in contrast, tends to cheerier, with more pop/dance influences, and is generally considered 'less hardcore'. Hell, I was a wemo, and even I don't fully understand it.

1. Wemo Music Never Takes Itself Too Seriously
Question: When have you ever heard anyone say: 'I still like Cute Is What We Aim For, but 'Rotation' will never top 'Same Old Blood Rush With a Brand New Touch'?
Answer: Never! What you're more likely hear is 'OMG ROTATION! IT'S WICKIDSAFE! LIKE A FREAKIN' EARGASM! SHANT IS SO FUCKEN HAWT JKJK LOLOLOL! <3'>
And, ok, such dialogue is an insult to the English language, but don't you wish you could get so hyped up over music that could be described as 'mediocre at best'? The great thing about wemo music is that everyone knows it's shit, but it's catchy, so you just don't care! And rather than deconstructing every note, analysing each and every song, wemos simply kick back and listen. It doesn't matter if it's cool, or 'good'- you listen to the music because you like it, because it makes you feel happy. It's like Chloe and The Twang- other people may hate them, but she'll be damned if that stops her from enjoying it.

2. Wemo Love is Like Comic-Book Love, Which is the Best Kind of Love
(Above: Ramona Flowers and Scott Pilgrim, one of my favorite comic-book couples)
Comic-book love is so-called because it's the sort of romance that you find in the pages of many graphic novels: it starts with a chance meeting between a boy and girl- typically hot, in an alternative sort of way. The rest of the book is filled with the quest to find one another/win the other's heart, usually involving some hilarious hijinks and crazy minor characters. Nobody ever gets together until the very end, when we see a series of quirky dates, ending with true love, and a double-page spread of an exquisitely-drawn kiss. Wemo love draws on the same principles- they don't look at love from a Hollywood-ending angle, they work hard for a good romance. And it's these sort of cutesie romantic songs that I love.

3. Wemo Dudes Are Ridiculously Sexist, But Nobody Cares!
3OH!3 only ever refer to girls as 'ho's', and The Medic Droid demand that you 'Kick of your stilettos and fuck me in the backseat'. But, rather than getting all feminist and angsty, you're too busy pulling shapes with a fistful of glowsticks to care that gender equality is being compromised! Just roll with it, bitch!
4. Wemos Have the Best Crazy-Ass Music Videos
There's a very big difference between experimental-indie music videos that are nuts and wemo music videos that are nuts. Experimental-indie music videos have deep, allegorical meanings that us mere mortals are simply too dumb to understand. Wemo ones don't even pretend to make sense. Take The Hush Sound's 'Crawling Towards the Sun', below: the moral we can glean from this is 'People will like you more if you grow a moustache'. And Panic at the Disco's 'Nine in the Afternoon'? 'Anyone who wears onesies and animal masks will look like a prick'. Simple, random, fun.



4 comments:

B.Held said...

Beautifully done. Happy new year!

Heavenly Muse said...

have nice time with your new laptop
and happy new year dear...

Anonymous said...

I love that picture of you! Your glasses are still far too sexy :)

Eileen said...

Thanks for the lovely comments, guys!
Being a wemo is quite clearly the way forward...
-Eileen

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