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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

UK Singles Chart - What Does The Nation Listen To?

Normally, us Sinema writers about the less well known, 'more about the art' side of music. (That's actually the only way I could think to phrase it). But today, I decide to venture into unmarked territories... yes, that's right, 'popular' music. Now I'm not saying I don't occasionally find myself belting out a Rihanna tune or dancing to some Chris Brown, you can't get away from these people, but its very unlikely that I find myself listening to them outside school and night clubs. And also my boyfriend has AWFUL taste in music, he laughed at Grizzly Bear! But today, that will all change. I will look at the UK singles chart and decided, just why these chart-topping records are, well, chart topping.

1. Iyaz - Replay
Ah, yes. Good old Iyaz... how do you actually pronounce that name? Well, anyway, I actually know this song because its one of those songs that are easily learned and lodge themselves in your brains. The lyrics go as follows "Shorties like a melody in my head, that I can't stop singing, got me saying now, na na na everyday, its like my ipods stuck on replay, replay". Now, I definitely know how Iyaz feels, because I feel exactly the same about this friggin' song! Its my opinion that nowadays artists make songs as repetitive as possible so that it gets stuck in peoples heads until they buy the actual song. But you got to hand it to the bloke, he is wearing a Louis Vuitton gas mask. That's pretty awesome.

2. Sidney Samson - Riverside (Let's Go)
You wouldn't of thought someone with the name like 'Sidney' could write (I say this in the loosest of terms, of course) a song which repetitively says 'Riverside Motherfucker'. Where even is Riverside? Wikipedia has told me nothing. Wikipedia has failed me. Honestly, I can't think of anything else to say about this song. All it says is 'Riverside Motherfucker', I'm sure monkeys could have wrote something with more lyrical substance. But again Sidney Samson (I'm sorry, but has this guy ever heard of stage names?) has heard that the nation are easily entertained, put some squeaky, syncy noises and repeat expletives and you have yourself a hit... he even looks like a Sidney doesn
't he?

3. 3OH!3 ft Katy Perry - Starstrukk

Other then their clear failures in spelling, I actually really love this song. Sure, the lyrics go "tight jeans, double DD's, make the boys go wit woo" but it actually wolf whistles. This is actually the coolest song ever to sing along to... well, unless you can't whistle and then you just look like a twat. But despite a little bit of originality it has all the elements that make most hits. A sexy woman lady shaking her thang in the videos, yes, this is Katy Perry and lots of talk about sexy woman ladies shaking their thangs in their 'daisy dukes'. Whats not for the shallow, sex obsessed nation not to love? Plus, it wolf whistles! Genius!

4. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Lady Gaga or as I like to call her... the freak of nature. What the hell is wrong with this woman? Does she not terrify children on the streets. Gaga... she wasn't far off the bat there was she? Now, why do people like this song exactly? With the lyrics "rah-rah-ah-ah-ah roma-roma-ma gaga oh la la la want you bad romance" it wouldn't be hard to understand if it was popular on a different planet, because surely that's not a human language? Now, why do people buy this song... I have actually no idea. Lady Gaga has a very good publicist. That's my only explanation. Or maybe some people think by buying her record they will find out if she actually has a penis or not.

5. Florence & The Machine - You've Got the Love
FINALLY SOMEONE I ACTUALLY LISTEN TO! Florence Welch is a visionary and this song is hauntingly beautiful. So why has a song without alien lyrics or boobs or repetitive swearing found its way to the top 5? Well, you probably know this but this song was first sung by 'The Source' and 'Candi Staton'. Its a very well known club hit, so all those ravers out there practically jizzed their knickers when they found out it would be finding its way back onto the singles chart. Team that with Florence lovers and listeners of Radio One, who recorded this version in their live lounge and play it religiously everyday and BAM! You have a hit! Also - Florence is super talented, has a killer voice and her dancing is like a child at a wedding on speed.

And there you go. The UK top five according to me. Course, i could be completely wrong... i doubt it though ;)


Charles said...

"Now, why do people buy this song... I have actually no idea."
I am waiting on my order for the Bad Romance 7".
Regardless of Lady Gaga's publicist, she writes better pop songs than...well, pretty much anyone nowadays, so that is why she sells.
And I find the penis jokes tiring, so f u.

Eileen said...

I am also gaga about Gaga.
And is it wrong that I love 'Starstrukk' much more the Florence and the Machine?

Chloe said...

Penis joke = cheap jokes.
I'm just here for the cheap laughs.
And Charles, its just my opinion, so don't get all crazy IAMTHEGODOFALLMUSIC on me please :)


Charles said...

I''m the twang i'm like soliddd lololzorz ryt?

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