Firstly, hey y'all, long time no speak. I've been doing exams and stuff, but that shit's over now.
Now it's time to prom. Unfortunately, this usually means shyly shuffling your feet to the 'hottest' songs of the last year or so, and by 'hottest' this usually means shit. Of course, there will no doubt be some classics mixed in there, but again, I use the term 'classics' very lightly. As a remedy for what will no doubt be a terrible evening filled with dumb ass girls pretending to be wasted on one glass of champagne and therefore people actually paying attention to all the nerdy girls, who actually turn out to be pretty hot (pretty sure this is the storyline to a million films as well as a Taylor Swift video), I have compiled a list of alternative prom songs that you can wish the DJ will play or maybe just have your own alternative prom night by yourself. Of course, you could actually go to your own prom and ask your DJ to play them, but let's be honest - everyone would hate you. Even more than they already do, and, if you're like me, then that's definitely saying something. So, without further ado, here are my 10 songs for a better, alternative and all round cooler prom:
10. Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé - Telephone
Now, this might not be as 'out there' as you may have been expecting, but fear not - there is a reason. Starting with one of the few pop songs out there that are actually any good, you can gently ease your prom audience into the flow without completely losing them. They might even hang around for the second song, if you're lucky.
9. Yeasayer - O.N.E.
Y'all just need something good to dance to, and O.N.E. is the perfect song to demonstrate some killer moves. Lyrical content is not so important, so just make sure you don't sing this one directly to your date. Unless you don't like them, in which case anything goes.
8. The Hold Steady - First Night
It's time for that first slow song of the evening, and without a doubt this song was pretty much made for proms. In fact, you could pretty much choose any song from The Hold Steady's back catalogue, or even better - just have a Craig Finn themed prom. His lyrics deserve a dedication of some sort.
7. Animal Collective - My Girls
If you really wanna tell your girl that you just wanna take care of her, then there is surely no better song than the alt anthem 'My Girls'. And, if she really is worth it, then I'm sure she'll appreciate it just as much as you do, and eventually she might even walk down the aisle to it at your wedding.
6. The Knife - Heartbeats
A modern dancefloor classic, surely? Lyrically beautiful, a funky beat and the ability to make any true appreciator of contemporary Scandinavian electronic music get down and dance. And maybe you'll just find another true appreciator and bond. A bit like the two characters in of Montreal's 'The Past Is A Grotesque Animal', but that's a whole different beast...
5. of Montreal - The Past Is A Grotesque Animal
So it's the halfway point in your evening's entertainment, and now it gets serious. Of course it's not realistic, playing an 11 minute song that references a book of erotic three way fantasies at your prom, but hey, sometimes things are better drifting into the realms of fantasy. To quote this very song: "We want our film to be beautiful not realistic." And that's one of the things that makes this song so great - I can totally relate to that.
4. Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up
Well c'mon, it's probably the last chance you're ever gonna get to Rick Roll all your high school friends. And of course those douches that you hate. And that's gotta be satisfying. Just watch them rage.
3. Pavement - Spit On A Stranger
This indie classic was used in the popular American sitcom How I Met Your Mother, so perhaps there's a 0.0001% chance that one person other than you at your real prom will know it, and, if they're a cute girl, then I think that's a risk I'm willing to take.
2. The Magnetic Fields - Nothing Matters When We're Dancing
If you haven't heard this, then listen to it now. And pay attention to the lyrics too. For once I'm taking off my silly hat (my metaphorical silly hat of course, as you'll never tear my real silly hat away from me) and switching into serious mode for a second - this song is tear-inducing, so have those handkerchiefs ready, because this is one song that I would die for to have at my prom, and the one song I would hate too for having, as ultimately it would result in me sobbing my eyes out like the quivering emotional wreck I am out into my prom date's shoulder. Hopefully she'd understand.
1. The Killers - Mr. Brightside
This one again might seem strange and just what you might expect from a normal prom and, well, that's because it is. Of course I genuinely expect this song to be at my prom and every prom of this year and last year and next year too. I expect it to be at shitty proms where dumb ass girls think they're wasted on their complementary glass of champagne and I expect it to be at my own fantasy prom where everyone loves a good singalong to Girls and The Smiths alike. Why? Because this song is probably the song of our generation. I don't know any song that gets as many people from every background imaginable singing in unison together quite like this gem from an average American indie band. But for whatever reason, it has that effect, and any prom of this generation just wouldn't be the same without it.
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