So, for this month's playlist, we've decided to trawl our music libraries for the very best songs about, umm, sex. It may be a little risque, but it's the subject of alot of very awesome songs. So, here goes nothing:
1. JULIETTE AND THE LICKS- Hot Kiss
‘Ooh, your little girl wants to f-f-f...’
Because is there any better way to kick off a super-naughty playlist than with the gravelly-voiced Juliette Lewis’ sexual fixation?
WARNING: The content from here on in gets a little blue. Giggidy giggidy.
2. DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979- Sexy Results
‘Woman friend, take me to the bedroom, let me show you how I am full grown’
Because is there anything more dirty than that bass playing? Also: don’t watch the video if you’re easily weirded out-it features a woman who has mouths for nipples. Kind of like in Angela Carter, only that was eyes for nipples. I digress...
3. HOT ACTION COP- Fever 4 Da Flava
‘Do you think that I get some, chicky chicky, maybe just a little finger sticky sticky’
Because as depraved as the lyrics may be, this is fast becoming one of my favourite songs of all time. And because it was on the soundtracks for ‘Grind’ AND ‘American Pie 3’- y’know, the one with the wedding, where Stifler eats dog poop. God, those films are classy.
4. BIKINI KILL- Anti-Pleasure Dissertation
‘How punk-fucking-rock my pussy smelt’
Because the lyrics are ridiculously vaginal. And (more than) slightly off-putting, but very, very sexual.
5. MELODY GARDOT- Lover Undercover
‘Come to your lover undercover and I will turn your mood around’
Because despite the song being about having a secret saucy affair, Melody Gardot still manages to keep everything PC and above-board. She’s a classy dame, with an incredible voice.
6. THE DARK HORSE PROJECT- Dark Horse
‘You want it and you ride and you ride and you ride your way out of me’
Because this song is so sensual, and so underestimated. I truly love it- and it has such filthy undertones, I kind of want to blush.
7. SOHO DOLLS- Stripper
‘You get me girl when you're nervous and when your hand is in the thong.’
Because who can resist a little bit of lady-lovin’ from everyone’s favourite kinky burlesque group (so-called because the lead singer gets her tits out all the time). WARNING: the spoken-word in this song will make you feel like you called an upmarket Soho sex hotline. Seriously.
8. FUCKED UP- He’s So Frisky
'He's frisky for you!'
Because the only thing that could possibly make this pop classic (originally by Dolly Mixture) any better is if it were sang by a big hairy man. Wish granted.
9. BRAZILIAN GIRLS- Don’t Stop
‘Don’t stop, just keep on going, until I come’
Because it’s so filthy, yet so beautifully sung. Oh Brazilian Girls- I never know whether to be in awe or slightly uncomfortable.
10. HEAD AUTOMATICA- Cannibal Girl
‘Cannibal girl, you’ve been eating me alive.’
Because it’s important to remember sometimes, you can have too much of a good thing. Like when you get second-degree burns on your Johnson, for instance. You may also find interesting to know that I have a recurring dream where I do a weird suggestive tap dance to this song.
11. THE DONNAS- Take It Off
‘Stop staring at my D-Cup; don’t waste time, just give it to me’
Because I don’t care if they hardly ever receive any good press, I freakin’ love The Donnas. I get the whole ‘harking back to the Golden Age of rock n’ roll’ thing, I do. Sex seemed to be alot more prolific then.
12. STARS- The First 5 Times
‘Now I’ve got to ask you more one thing: keep doing that forever’
Because sometimes sex and love get caught up in one glorious, snuggly mess. Aaw.
13. THE BEATLES-Come Together
‘Hold you in his arms yeah you can feel his disease’.
Because it’s THE SEXIEST SONG OF ALL TIME. It properly gets me every time- that month or so where this song was on every advert for ‘Beatles Rock Band’ was not a good time for me. If you want to seduce me, stand outside my window playing this. I fully give my guarantee I’ll throw myself naked out of my window at you.
DISCLAIMER: This is unlikely, for health and safety reasons.
I’m having a few internet problems, but I’ll try and get a listenable version of this whole playlist up soon, so you enjoy it all, preferably with a lover ;)